i’m stuck in this constant cycle of running off to build my life and running back cause I feel guilty about not spending enough time with them - rupi kaur (parent-guilt)
My father often voiced his regret about not spending enough time with me during my childhood. Shortly after I was born, he pursued his master’s studies abroad. Then, he left again to serve as a UN peacekeeper in war zones. Afterward, it was his Ph.D. studies in the capital city, followed by various work assignments across the country. By the time I turned 18 and moved to Europe, we had spent less time together than either of us had hoped.
Yet, my memories are filled not with his absence, but with the beautiful moments we shared. I recall him teaching me music and calligraphy, the trips we took to the northern and southern coasts, and the honey-roasted chicken wings and braised fish he cooked on weekends. I can still taste the ice-cold green bean drink he made on those humid tropical summer nights. He took me and my Japanese best friend to the swimming pool, and I still remember the wind in my face as I sat on the front of his bicycle or the back of his motorcycle. We shared lamb skewers on the street after he picked me up from school.
Family friends used to say they couldn’t imagine how he would love me more if I had been his son. To that, he would reply, "Neither can I. It has nothing to do with gender."
Then, it became my turn. I took him to a Parisian café for breakfast, walked with him through the gardens of Versailles where we couldn’t take enough photos, and strolled down the Champs-Élysées from the Arc de Triomphe to the Concorde, ending at the Louvre. I proudly showed him where I worked — the UNESCO headquarters in Paris and the United Nations headquarters in Vienna.
Now, I find myself experiencing the same guilt that my father once felt as a parent.
It's impossible to be present all the time. And even when we are physically present, it doesn’t always translate into meaningful connection. What truly matters is how we fill those moments with love. That’s what shapes our characters, instills values, and fosters confidence, independence, and resilience in our children.
But space matters too. By giving a child room to grow without hovering, we allow them to learn self-reliance, face challenges on their own, and ultimately develop their own identity.
Thank you, Dad. And happy birthday.